It's A Wanderful Life: Finding Happiness

Have you ever woken up and felt awful about life and feel completely empty and that your going no where in life? oh come on of course you have.

The reason I ask is because that how most of my week was. If you have looked at my blog before you my recall me being happy about a job that I was offered. It may have only been a little Barista job but I'm saving up for a place in London with my friends and I needed money and I was happy to finally have something to do. But, after starting it I realised, even after the first day, It wasn't going to make me happy. I think gut feelings count for a lot, I think you have them for a reason, and on my very first day I walked out thinking that even though they are paying me if they said I didn't have to go back I wouldn't want to. Whenever I have worked in the past, be it paid or voluntary I was always happy to go in and even do extra time if needed, but this was different. I was soon having midnight panics about going in, being on the brink of tears all by myself whilst at work and in tears as soon as I shut my bedroom door. Then last Saturday I met up with on of my best friends from home, we were having coffee and I was spilling all my work worries and hate on the table for him to endure. After finally shutting up he looked at me and said "What would you do if it was a guy who was making you feel like this and treating you this way?" I told him I would leave him. Suddenly everything became a little clearer and I was putting myself through hell when if it was anything else I would walk away and know I would feel happier. The next day I had the worst shift yet and I realised that that was enough. The job may be okay for someone else but It was making me miserable and I had to leave. So I did, the next day my resignation was handed in.The bad feelings didn't go away straight away though, I felt bad for leaving some of the girls I worked with and the thought of my manager being angry at me terrified me and I have spent time being sad about being back to having no job and feeling invisible to the world. But recently I have had time to reflect on what I was sad about and what it means in the grand scheme of life and the truth is that it wont mean that much. I am 21 and have a head full of dreams and a heart full of love. Just because things aren't going how I like them too now doesn't mean they always will, I am going to have so many more things go on in my life and this is going to be nothing but a lesson when I look back. I am going back to Yoga, back to Reading, back to dreaming and exploring. We have to do what makes us happy and when we aren't happy we have to remind ourselves what counts in the world and how important out worries really are.